Thursday, December 18, 2008

It's Too Late For Me

After receiving some disappointing news yesterday, something that would have in previous years consumed me with doubt and despair, I realized something.........."It's too late for me."
What I mean is this, I'm tempted to believe that God doesn't care, but I know He does; I'm tempted to believe He's abandoned me, but He hasn't; I'm tempted to believe that He's not really in control, but He is.....and I am certain of my faith in Him. I think it must be similar to how Peter might have felt after denying Jesus three times in the face of adversity and then after seeing Christ risen, had to proclaim his love for Him repeatedly. At first glance, it feels like you're stuck....there's no turning back..... your flesh wants to......but then, just as Peter learned, dying to self is the greatest gain and it is the only way to truly live.

I've been through many dark valleys in life and I am certain there are more to come; some of which I see coming, some of which I will never anticipate. But, there is one thing I now know, God is with me always. No matter what life brings, He is my strength and my song. No matter what analogy you want to use...."A Potter molding clay, a Refiner of silver and gold, or a Gardner pruning his orchard," the processes are all painful. And God has placed me in all of these places. It doesn't seem fair and it doesn't feel good. But I now realize that it is part of my necessary growth. He is preparing me for what lies ahead...making me ready for anything....and He's doing the same for you in times of testing.

"Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. (James 1:3-4)

In the past I believed that I was who I was by the grace of God "in spite" of my circumstances, yesterday I realized that I am what I am by the grace of God "because" of my circumstances. Every situation we face is an opportunity for our faith to be refined and perfected. Each trial is a part of our necessary growth. And there are ALOT of growing pains. As I'm tempted to look back at this year...... reflecting on the joys and pains and the failures and successes, I am reminded that a servant of God does not look back.

“No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back
is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:62)

So, "it's too late for me." I am forever a servant of God....what an amazing gift of God's have a faith that never walk forward with an assurance that God is with me.....that He's leading and guiding the face of doubt and despair,
I can only hear Jesus' voice saying to me,
"Do you love me?"
And quite frankly, that answer is all that matters.


Kendra Quilts said...

Cherie when you wrote this in 08 i was going thru the worst of the worst and lasted 1 year and i asked the same questions. I knew and know God loves me. Even now im asking them. I need to hear from God. All posts past 3 years Awesome!!

Cherie Hill said...

Sister, I had not read this since 2008. Honestly, reflecting back, I'm not sure what I was really referring to. I am taken back by my desperation and yet my faith that prevailed. Whatever it was, God carried me through it. My faith stood firm. I am in awe. Thank you for digging deep in my posts. It is causing me to reflect on the incredible blessings God has given me in life. It is reminding me of all the Red Seas He has parted in my life. You are a blessing!!

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I am so blessed that you would take the time to share your thoughts with me! You encourage my faith and I pray that God will fill you to the full with His love, mercy,and grace! With joy, Cherie

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